“When marriage is filled with more withdrawals than deposits, it’s easy to forget why you married in the first place … The same love that drew us to our mates so that we wanted to spend our lives with them is still there.  It may be covered over with the trauma of irritations and the loss of romance, but it’s there nevertheless.”

“Many couples, young and old, find themselves in an unofficial lifetime game of competition.  It may be played to prove that one spouse is smarter than the other is, or it may be played to establish which spouse will be head of the family … It might begin as fun, but if often ends in pain for the partner who is unable to win consistently.”

“True repentance will lead to feelings of indignity and anger at the past damage, a desire to make restitution, and a renewed longing for purity and godliness (2 Corinthians 7:11).”

"Our real opponent is not on the opposite side of the bed, but within our hearts.  Our enemy is the desires of our flesh that oppose the desire of the Spirit.  This is the fiercest and only true enemy of our marriage."

“When I hear of couples who break up after just three or four years, I feel sad because they haven’t even begun to experience what being married is really like ... Becoming one—in the deepest, most intimate sense—takes time.  It’s a journey that never really ends, but it takes at least the span of a decade for the sense of intimacy to really display itself in the marriage relationship. “

“God only allows two people at a time in the boxing ring.  If you want to get into the ring and try to fight your own battles, God will let you.  But He’ll get out.  If you want God to fight your battles for you, then you must get out of the ring … and stay out.”

“Scripture does not give me permission to make the sins of my spouse my first priority.  I need to slow down, exercise the humility of self-suspicion, and inspect my own heart first.”

“No matter what your situation, I’m confident that there is hope for any marriage—as long as you are willing to believe that God, through His Spirit and His Word, can powerfully change your lives.”

“Behind virtually every case of marital dissatisfaction lies unrepented sin.  Couples don’t fall out of love so much as they fall out of repentance.”

“The question isn’t ‘Can I forgive?’ but rather, ‘Am I willing to let God teach me how to forgive?’”

“Five out of ten marriages today are ending in divorce because love alone is not enough.  Yes, love is vital, especially for the wife, but what we have missed is the husband’s need for respect.”

"Mercy sweetens marriage.  Where it is absent, two people flog one another over everything from failure to fix the faucet to phone bills.  But where it is present, marriage grows sweeter and more delightful, even in the face of challenges, setbacks, and the persistent effects of our remaining sin."

"According to Scripture, the source of angry words, unforgiving looks, and cold shoulders is not unmet needs.  It's unsatisfied desires."

"The cross makes a stunning statement about husbands and wives: we are sinners and our only hope is grace.  Without a clear awareness of sin, we will evaluate our conflicts outside of the biblical story--the finished work of Jesus Christ on the cross--thus eliminating any basis for true understanding, true reconciliation, or true change."

“It’s not uncommon to feel divorced even when there’s no legal document.  But this doesn’t change the fact that in God’s eyes you’re still married.  It’s not a piece of paper, but a covenant.”

“In marriages that have suffered an affair, it is critical during the recovery process for both partners to develop close, same-sex relationships to supplement the marriage relationship.  Those outside relationships can provide much of the nurturance, empathy, mutual support, and affirmation that both individuals need.”

“When Ron and I got back together, we didn’t feel like we were in love, but we began to behave in loving ways, and loving feelings slowly followed … The nicer we were to each other, the more we liked each other; the more we liked each other, the nicer we treated each other.  We began a positive cycle of kindness that grew into love.”

“It’s a lot easier to trash the marriage and for both parties to flee the difficulty of reconstructing the relationship.  Yet to divorce now means that you only take all this unfinished business with you.  It will require you to work on this by yourself.  Should you refuse and try to bury it, it will contaminate all future relationships you might develop … But for those who have done the difficult work, it’s all been worth it.”